Shadows of a winter's night

In the shadows of a winter’s night.
The voice whispers, “It’s time.” The harshness of my breath can be seen in the cold. I lost track of time standing in the corner between the building and the alley. I traveled from my hidden place. My secret world that is filled with pain and destruction. It’s funny how things turn out in life. I used to be normal. I used to enjoy life. But that’s all changed when he trampled into my life. My simple and content existence turned upside down, no longer to be the same. The longer I stood in the cold. I didn’t feel anything but anger coursing through my veins. My head began to spin. My mouth grew dry, the ringing was piercing my brain.
There he stood lighting up his cigarette. He took a long drag, then exhaled the smoke. He leaned against a pole, staring into the night. Cars whizzed by trying to make the next light. I stepped out of the corner, and just watched him. His very presence unsettled me. My heart pounded loudly in my chest. Simon Matthews’ slender frame of six feet. He ran his hand through his dark brown hair. He scratched his beard. Simon licked his lips before he lit up again. A woman stepped out of the bar. She approached Simon near the pole. She was short and blonde, in the distance she wasn’t very attractive. My left hand curled up in a fist. As the other slid down into the right pocket. My finger rubbed against the smoothness of the blade. Jagged edge sent chills up my spine. Simon and the blonde chick continued to talk outside the bar. She looked so animated in her gestures. His smile changed his expression, warmed his features. How many times had I gazed into those baby blues. Late night excursions and sharing intimate details of our lives. Creating dreams, such beautiful dreams. Now they will never come true. So I guess you can say I took it extremely personal. And I went a little crazy. Stroking the blade gave me comfort and control over my emotions. The voice whispered again, “It’s time.” I closed my eyes tightly. I inhaled deeply and rested my head against the wall. I peered across the street. The blonde chick embraced Simon and then he walked on. I moved out the shadows and followed him. I’ve gotten good at it. He would walk for an hour or two before going home. Nothing Simon did surprised me anymore. My night has begun, how will it end who knows. Honestly, I couldn’t ya, because I didn’t know either. The blade securely in my right pocket. Simon strolled down the street. From behind he looked apprehensive. I was close enough to watch his every move. But at a safe distance away. It was a trick I learned along the way. Being so close and not be seen. I had moments to being clumsy in my pursuit. Simon entered another bar on the corner, 3 blocks from the last one he was in with his co-workers. They used to be my co-workers at one point in time. After Simon was settled at the bar, with a beer of choice. I made my way inside. I chose a booth near the back. I was able to surveillance him, without being detected.
As I went passed him I caught a whiff of his aftershave. It brought back memories, a place where I didn’t want to go. The ringing persisted in my head.
A waitress walked over to my table. “What would you like?” She asked.
“Guinness, please.” I said, trying to ignore the ringing in my head.“Ok. I’ll be right back with it.” She said..Staring at the back of his head. I watched him scan the bar of unfamiliar faces. Loud talking, jukebox playing, t.v. blasting filled the bar. I leaned my head back as the waitress placed the beer in front of me along with some chips.“Thank you.” I said paying for it.
“Enjoy.” She said as she smiled and walked away. I rested my head in my hands. Finally the ringing subsided. The memories was washing over me. I couldn’t stop it this time.
It began 2 years ago, late spring. Simon Matthews was an owner of VMC (Video Music Café). He started as a video clerk and he worked his way up. Simon had big dreams. In his worst moments, he didn’t feel he had what it took to be anything. He suffered from internal damnation. In lay mans terms he wallowed in shit. Everyone thought he was joke. A nice guy to have beer with, someone to confide in. Overall good friend to those in need. He failed to realize he was a good person, regardless what was said or done. And he could accomplish anything. It didn’t click for him. Until she began working in the café. Rebecca Malcolm, a young single mom. She was 5’4”, slender frame. Rebecca was a beautiful woman, she had an athletic appearance, shapely legs that went on forever. Her almond brown skin was soft and smooth. Her shoulder length hair reddish dark brown hair always free flowing. Rebecca was the type of woman you could never get tired of being with. Rebecca was selective of who she dated. And in reality she didn’t date at all. After she had her daughter, Arielle.
Rebecca focused her time and love, energy to her child. She couldn’t have just any man in her life.Rebecca noticed Simon when he would help out at the café. He wasn’t the type of man, she saw herself with. But there was something so endearing about him. He was like a kindred spirit. After working together for a year or more. Rebecca grew fond of Simon. They hung out with other co-workers. But they always kept distance there. They were always polite in a flirty way.
“Having a good time?” Simon asked as he leaned over to Rebecca. He was soft spoken and timid.
“Yeah, how about you?” Rebecca said smiling. Her dark chocolate brown eyes seem to sparkle.
“Yeah, me too.” Simon said confidently. “This crowd seem to be winding down. Do you want another drink?”Rebecca surveyed the bar, before she responded. Then she moved toward the bar. Simon watched in awe of Rebecca. There was something brewing between them. Simon and Rebecca talked several hours later. The intimate knowledge of each other, they became friends that night despite the unusual attraction.
After months of casual talking. Rebecca and Simon began dating. But as quickly as it begun. Everything started to unravel. Rebecca fell hopelessly and deeply, insanely in love with Simon. When you fall in love for the first time. It shakes you to the core. You feel things that’s difficult to put into words. Simon got swept up in the emotion of being with someone. He missed having the love of a woman. Rebecca didn’t change him, she allowed him to be. She would support and believe in him when he couldn’t do it for himself. Rebecca was a loving person, but like most women. She loved too much and too damn hard. Its funny how you never think of love being a possible problem. The important people she loved more than anything was Arielle and Simon. On occasion Simon would join Rebecca and Arielle for dinner. Rebecca was terribly skittish about Arielle getting too attached to Simon. It was inevitable, they became two peas in a pod. Seeing her child bond with the man she loved was more than she could ever want out of life. Simon adored her, in sense Arielle became his child. This was her family and she had to keep it together. Keep them all together. Simon felt overwhelmed by his instant family. He became fearful and crazed. How could he support them, when he barely had food to eat. Rebecca sensed the distance. But she ignored it, sometimes wished it away. All she needed to do to get through the day was to hear how much she was loved by her kid and by Simon. All was well in the world. She was coming apart slowly. The love she was feeling smoldered her to the point that she couldn’t see clearly. Rebecca always maintained outside of herself. Simon couldn’t understand how Rebecca loved him. Why did she love him. How did she see his worth. When he couldn’t see it himself, or feel it deep down. He got angry at her, how dare she make him feel things. Believe he was capable of anything and everything. Everyone knew he was a screw up, but was too damn nice to say it. Simon had to escape. Where the hell was he gonna go. He didn’t care. He couldn’t hurt Rebecca and Arielle. As much as he loved them. He just couldn’t do it. He didn’t have enough faith in himself. Simon knew what he had to do.
Next day Rebecca was joking around with Arielle.
“Mommy you’re funny!” Arielle cooed. “Tickle me again!”
“Ah… You think that was funny, how about this!” Rebecca said making blow noises on her stomach. Arielle’s laughter ringed through the two bedroom apartment they lived in. “Ok, stinkerbell, I have to get ready for work.”
“Where am I going?” Arielle asked. She always asked that question. It was their routine every morning.
“Hmm….I don’t know?” Rebecca replied. “Where should you go?”
“With you!” Arielle said laughing. That was her way of telling a joke. Arielle was the sweetest child. “Are you going to see Simon today, mommy?”Then she jumped off the bed. Before Rebecca had a chance to answer. Arielle was handing her a picture. It was family portrait of Simon, Rebecca and of course Arielle.
“I want Simon to have this.” Arielle said. At that moment Rebecca felt nauseated. Something was wrong. Very wrong. She couldn’t put her on it.
“Ok, I will.” Rebecca answered. “Let’s get going.”They got ready and was cruising out the door. Arielle would have fun filled day at camp. That uneasiness was hanging over head like a dark cloud. She prayed to make it through. Simon was very distracted and distanced. He kept to himself most of the morning. He knew what he needed to do. He was afraid of Rebecca’s reaction to what he had to say. Simon was exhausted, he didn’t sleep very well. Tossed and turned all night. And the beers wasn’t helpful. He saw Rebecca walk in the building. She didn’t see which was good. Because he wasn’t ready to face her yet. But he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. Rebecca was stunning this morning. She glided across the floor as if she had wings at her feet. For a moment he thought how could he let her go. He loved her more than words could say. What was wrong with him. Rebecca sensed she was being watched. It was an eerie sensation that made her dizzy. Rebecca wasn’t ready to encounter anything personal yet, or ever. The fear developed into knots in her shoulders.
“Relax…..breath…..happy thoughts.” Rebecca whispered to herself.Finally they crossed paths and they smiled tentatively at one another. Simon touched Rebecca’s face gently. Rebecca shivered. His hand was soft and tender. The butterflies were fluttering in her stomach.
“Hey you.” Simon said quietly still touching her almond brown skin. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good. And you?” Rebecca asked. “I missed you last night.”
“Had a rough night. Had a lot on my mind,” Simon responded. “Missed you too.”He pulled her close and he kissed her soft lips. It left her breathless.
“Ah…hmmm…what was that for?” Rebecca asked quietly.“It’s for being who you are.” Simon said mysteriously.
“Oh.” Rebecca said. In her head she knew it was goodbye. But she automatically pushed it aside.
“Oh, I got something for you.” Rebecca said innocently.
“What is it?” Simon asked curiously. She handed him the picture Arielle had drew for him.
“Arielle was up past her bed time making this,” Rebecca said. “She wouldn’t let me see it til this morning. She’s quite the artist!” The picture took his breath away. It was a lovely picture. He felt his heart tighten in his chest. “Tell Arielle I love it.” Simon said sadly. “I’ll hang it up by my bed.”
“Ok, good.” Rebecca said feeling this pressure in her head. Then the ringing began real low. She blinked a dozen times before it stopped.
“Are you alright?” Simon asked concerned, holding her arm.
“Yeah…huh…hmm. My head,” Rebecca stammered out. “The ringing…whoa!”Simon looked confused but he gripped her arm.
“I’m gonna go sit down for a minute,” Rebecca said. “Catch my breath.”
“Ok.” Simon said walking her the employee lounge. He went to get her water and an aspirin.
“Thank you.” Rebecca said as he returned and handed her the water and 2 pills. “You’re so good to me.” Rebecca rested her head back and Simon went back to the sales floor. The end of the day came.
"Rebecca, I need to talk to you.” Simon said solemnly. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.” Rebecca answered. “What’s up?”He pulled her aside near the videos.
“I can’t do this anymore.” Simon said flatly.
“Do what?” Rebecca asked feeling a growing lump in her throat.
“Can’t be with you anymore. It is too hard…I… I just can’t give you what you need.” Simon said sadly.
“What the hell are you talking about, Simon,” Rebecca cried. “ I need you, just you.”Simon just stared down at her.
“I love you,” Rebecca said calmly. “Whatever it is we can work on it. But don’t end it like this!”
“Rebecca…..please I just can’t do it, alright.” Simon pleaded.
“You don’t love me anymore. Is that it!” Rebecca said calmly and still. Simon didn’t want to hurt her anymore. He didn’t know what else to say.
“Yes. I don’t love you. I thought I did. But I don’t.” Simon lied. “I’m sorry.”His heart was pounding so hard. He wondered if Rebecca could hear it. Rebecca stood there stunned, her chest hurt. The room was spinning. She didn’t know what to say or do. She would not cry in front of him. Her eyes welled up with tears, one trickled down her cheek.
“Fine.” Rebecca said as she wiped the tear away. She took a deep breath and walked away from Simon.
Simon stood there with his arms folded across his chest. As Rebecca walked away she clutched her chest. She was having trouble breathing. The ringing in her head was incredibly loud. She had to escape.
“Get it together, dammit!” she said harshly.Simon felt worse than ever. He would never forget that distorted painful look on Rebecca’s face. As much as he loved her, he was terrified. He didn’t have anything to offer her. He rather hurt her now than later on.
In a blur Rebecca made it home with Arielle by her side. Arielle sensed the mood of her mother. And kept quiet for most of the evening. Something in Rebecca just snapped. She wasn’t herself and it was becoming quite noticeable. Yet she was very maintained.
The coming months Rebecca kept her distance from Simon. Sometimes she would blackout and not remember what she did or where she went. Rebecca found herself watching Simon. She would pop up in places where he would be. She felt like she was losing her mind. The ringing was persistent. The voice was low and forceful.Simon tried not to think about Rebecca. But it was a difficult feat. She was in his heart for always. He had to make it up to her.
First he had to get himself together. Be the man he wanted to be. Simon took an interest in himself. He realized he wasn’t a screw up. This slow change started. He no longer walked slouched over. Simon held his head up. He was becoming someone he could be proud of. Simon tried to be polite with Rebecca.
It just didn’t happen , he had to give her space. It was his fault that she didn’t even acknowledge him. One day he will make it up to her. He hoped it wouldn’t be too late. Anger was the fuel that got Rebecca through the day. At work seeing Simon tore at her insides. She was inhuman, the pain in her head and heart hanging over head like a dark cloud. Juggling that with motherhood was disastrous. When she home with Arielle she was in mom mode. At work she café girl. There was nothing in between. Before Simon she was normal. Now who the hell knew. She was losing her mind piece by piece. This constant love she felt for Simon was choking the life out of her. Rebecca would see Simon and her skin grew hot. She will make him pay vowed to herself. She would destroy him the way he destroyed her.
Simon got promoted twice. He put in more hours. After a couple years or so Simon became an owner. It was unbelievable, he got real lucky. He got a few investors to believe in him. He knew how to finesse them. By the time he became an owner of the VMC.
Rebecca had left to work at a publishing company. Simon kept Rebecca in mind. He was in a position where he was able to do anything. He had to get Rebecca back, he would bare his soul if he had too. Simon knew was a man that she would be proud of. But then again, Rebecca was already proud of him. She loved him and supported him. And he was too much of a coward to see that regardless of what he didn’t have Rebecca truly loved him and willingly given him a chance to grow. Rebecca settled into her new job. She was good at it, she was learning to be an editor.
In her spare time she plotted to destroy Simon. Rebecca knew him better than he knew himself. She followed him and watched. It became a game of cat and mouse. And he didn’t know it. He would pay for destroying her life. Throwing her love back in her face. Rebecca never loved anyone the way she loved Simon. And when he got tired, he threw her away like a piece of garbage. She didn’t recognize herself at all. She was mentally breaking down. It was Simons’ fault, once he’s gone for good. She will be ok again. Rebecca had this double life. She had no memory of her actions. Those 2 years seemed liked yesterday. I sipped my beer, Simons’ back was still facing me.
“Stupid bastard,” I thought to myself. “Your time has come.” Simon drunk his 3rd beer, he had the oddest feeling. He thought he saw Rebecca across the street from the last bar he was at. Simon wanted to call out to her. But he wasn’t even sure if it was even her. He missed her so much, after she left VMC. He never heard from her, not that he would after what he did to her. A few co-workers had hung out with her. He ate up any information he could get. Rebecca had changed. He couldn’t give up on her. But he had to respect her space. At least she didn’t move away. He knew where to find her. He will make her understand. Sometimes he would stand outside her building. He would stare at her window, but he was too afraid to knock on her door.
Rebecca followed him one night to her own doorstep. How ironic it was her, since there was no contact between them. It was a matter of time before he would see her again. And it would be quite a meeting. Rebecca reached into her pocket. She pulled out her knife. In the dull light it shined like new money. She could see her distorted image on the blade. There was something erotic about rubbing my fingers along the jagged edge. A smile danced across my lips. I drew in a breath. I closed my eyes and allowed the feeling to wash over me. For a moment I didn’t know where I was. My pulse was racing. My mouth was dry. The pain in my head was excruciating. I was so thirsty.
Simon had his last beer for the night. He looked around the almost empty bar. He noticed a woman sitting near the back. He thought how sad it appeared for someone sitting alone. Then again he had to look at himself. She was lovely, she looked like his Rebecca. Simon was drawn to her, so he walked toward her booth in the back. Rebecca noticed Simon coming near her booth. Strangely enough she was nervous at all. Simon staggered toward the beautiful woman. She looked so much like his Rebecca. He was missing her badly. He was so drunk common sober sense was nagging at him to go home.
“Hi.” Simon slurred.“Sit down.” I said sternly pointing toward the seat.He stumbled into the booth and just stared at her.
“You’re…..you’re so beautiful. I missed you so much.” Simon slurred reaching for her hand. I sat there stunned at first. My mind was slowly clicking. It’s been so long since I’ve sat across from him. He looked terribly sad. I almost felt sorry for him….Almost.
“Please….please …..Becca take me back.” Simon slurred again.
“Excuse me.” I said quietly. “I’m not Becca.”Simon held her hand. He gripped it.
“What…what….oh….I’m….I’m,” He stammered out. “I….you …not my Becca?”Simon’s head was cloudy, he couldn’t think straight. His mouth was dry. I couldn’t help but crack a smile. Poor drunk bastard. I pushed my beer toward him.
“Drink up.” I said.Simon gulped down the beer then he leaned his head back against the booth.
“Are you alright?” I asked him. It was evident that he wasn’t. I was curious to see if he’ll comment.
“Drunk all your beer.” Simon said quietly. “What’s your name?”
“That’s not important.” I said. “I remind you of someone?”He closed his eyes and then started talking.
“Yeah….you look like my Becca….I..” Simon said solemnly.
“You must’ve loved her very much. Did she die or something?” I asked curiously.
“Nah…no…she not dead. She hates me… I hurt her so bad,” Simon confessed. “She’s the only one that I ever loved….I fucked up…I ….fucked up.”Several hours later. I was standing in Simon’s apartment. It hadn’t changed at all. Well a little had changed. He had a bookcase for his extensive videos and cd’s. As I walked around the apartment. It was oddly put together neatly. Give or take some clothes on his bed. My head was spinning out of control. Simon was rambling about how much he missed me. Why should I give him the thrill of knowing I was here. He deserve a lot worse and I’m gonna give it to him. I walked over to his dresser and picked up his Panasonic hand-held camcorder. I checked it out, made sure the battery was fresh. There was a tape all ready to be used. Simon stumbled over to the mystery woman who looked so much like his Becca. He was getting a hard on. Simon reached out and touched her hair. He leaned in smelled it.
“Ahhh…..ahh… you smell good.” Simon moaned against her head. I stood still as he sniffed my hair. I felt him grow hard against me. I kept my hand on the camcorder.
“This is nice.” I said plainly. “Must’ve cost you a lot.”But he wasn’t listening to me. Which was fine with me. I turned around and pressed myself against him.Simon looked down at her. He tried to kiss her. She smelled like vanilla. Like Rebecca. He missed her so much, that his chest hurt. He started mumbling against her hair.
“I want you…. I want to fuck you.” Simon slurred. I laughed at him.“You silly son of bitch!” I said laughing. Simon was too drunk to understand anything. He was horny and lonely. Simon gripped her waist. He was bumping and grinding. I pushed Simon back. He fell back on his bed. He moaned aloud.
“You like that….. How about this!” I said slapping his face. He seem stunned, but a smile curled his lips.
“Hmmm…baby.” Simon moaned. I go back to his dresser when the camcorder rested. I looked through the viewfinder and I spotted my target. He was laid out on the bed.
“Simon!” I called out to him. “Let’s play!” I moved toward him, I stood at the foot of the bed.
“I want to play.” I purred. “ Do you wanna play with me?”
“Yeah….I wanna play.” Simon groaned. He slid off the bed and he began touching my breasts. He was squeezing them and pulling at my nipples. I couldn’t allow myself to enjoy this sick pleasure. He was sucking on my breast through my blouse.
“I want to fuck you, baby!” Simon said huskily. It would be a matter of minutes before he passed out.
“In a minute.” I said coyly. “Do something for me, please.”
“Ok…ok,” Simon whispered. “Anything, baby.”
“Strip for me!” I ordered. “Nice and slow. Make it good!”Simon stood up on the bed, he was bouncing up and down. I was filming his every move. “Come and get me!” Simon said huskily. He was standing before me. Slowly humping the air and sliding his hand down his briefs. It was a funny sight to see. He still didn’t have any rhythm.
“Hot….baby!” I cooed. “Drop the briefs.”He smiled as he did a little dance. Simon was butt ass naked, with a massive hard on. I was impressed by the longevity of his erection. Simon got nasty. He laid down on he bed. He began massaging his cock.
“Faster. Faster!” I ordered from behind the camcorder. He was groaning and moaning. His hand was moving vigorously in an up and down motion. This lasted longer than I ever imagined.“OOOh….uhh....ohhh....aahhh.... uhhh....uh,"Simon roared."I'm....I'm...ahhh...cumming.....cumming....aahh!”
He laid back down on the bed, his energy spent. And I got it all on tape. I was very pleased with myself. Simon passed out in a sticky mess. I scanned the room for more detail then fade to black.
The ringing in my head was loud. My mouth went dry. My knees gave out and I fell to the floor. The camcorder crashed before me. Simon was out cold. He barely moved at all. He was in the midst of a drunken dream. I eventually composed myself. I rubbed my temples. I got to my feet and went to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face. The mirror above the sink displayed an unfamiliar face. I didn’t recognize that face. I turned and walked away. Simon was snoring like a buzz saw. The camcorder lay on the floor. I picked it and popped out the tape. There was a large envelope on the table. I placed the tape inside. It was mixed with other papers and materials. I picked up my coat and as I was leaving. A thought occurred to me. Leave a note.
“Thanks for a great night. I’ll never forget it.” it read. I taped it to the bathroom mirror. Simon was groggy when he got up. His head was thumping. His mouth was dry as the desert.“Shit.” Simon groaned. He saw his underwear on the floor. He dragged himself to the shower. He ran the water without turning on the light. The warm water pouring over his tired body. He really didn’t want to go to work. He prefer to go back to bed and just sleep off the hangover.
Simon turned on the light, that’s when he saw the note taped to the mirror. He was deeply saddened by it. What the hell did he do last night. But of course it was a stupid question. How will he get Rebecca back after this, he had a weird sensation. He felt Rebecca’s presence, he could smell her.I tossed and turned before it became a lost cause to sleep.
“Geez.” I groaned. Arielle was actually up and watching the cartoon network.
“What are you doing up so early?” I asked.
“I have no camp today.” she said in between munching.
“That’s right. I forgot.” I said. “ Well I’m gonna lay back down. When I get up, we can go out, ok.”
“That’s cool, mommy.” Arielle said. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.” I said fell back in to bed. My thoughts were confused. “Gotta get more sleep.” I whispered to myself. The sleep was taking me over.Simon got dressed quickly. He was running late, he grabbed the envelope off the table. His keys and wallet. Then his coat. Half hour later he was at work.
“Morning.” Simon said. “The video presentation will begin in a little while.”Everyone groaned and nodded. Then finally took their places. Simon went to his office. He paced back and forth. His heart was pounding. Something didn’t feel right. He pulled out his wallet, opened it. There it was clear as day. His future, Rebecca and Arielle, himself as a family. He picked up the phone and dialed her number.
He hoped that she didn’t change it. Ringing… ringing…
“Hello….ahem..hello.” the sleepy voice whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Simon said sadly. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. I never meant to hurt you. I lied I still love you I never stopped loving you. I miss you and Arielle. Please forgive me. Please.”
“What…. Who is this!” I said groggily. “Simon…Simon is that you.?”
The line went dead. Simon hung up the phone and stood up, walked out of his office.
I laid there dazed and confused. Was it really Simon or a weird dream. It was too much to digest at the moment. Arielle and I went for walk in the neighborhood. It was pleasant with a slight chill in the air. My body was worn out.
“Are you sick mommy?” Arielle asked holding my hand.“I think so, sweetie.” I answered. But deep down wondering how sick.
“I’ll take care of you.” she said eagerly. Simon was talking to his staff. He set up the vcr to watch the video presentation. The new selling techniques, better benefits, etc. Simon stood by the window staring into the street. Another video was put in. Gasps and groans, catcalls ranged through the room.
“Oh my god!” one employee screamed.
“Damn!” another employee said.Simon was knocked out of his daydream.
“What’s the matter!” Simon said. Turning toward the t.v. “What the fuck!”It was him stripping and gyrating. Laying on the bed jerking off. Who did this to him. He was humiliated in front of his staff. He just hung his head in shame. It was déjà vu but it happened to someone else. Rebecca. He remembered the gossip and insults, the jokes with Rebecca as the punch line.
It was crazy how some of her co-workers turned on her. But he stood by and let them disrespect her, humiliate her til they got bored and moved on to someone else. He blocked out her embarrassment and pain. Because he couldn’t deal with it. He didn’t want to deal. Simon went to his office to think. As the managers tried to do some damage control. He would have to get a handle on the situation.
The phone ranged again. I ran for it. Arielle locked the door, then went to her room.
“Hello.” I said.
“Hey, girl.” Sharon said.
“How’s it going?” I said.
“Drama. Drama.” Sharon said smirking.
“Spill it. Spill it all.” I said curiously.
“Ok. First things first. How are you and Arielle doing?” she asked.
“We’re fine.” I answered. “Get on with drama, girl.”
“Ok. Ok, At the store we had a meeting. This video of Simon stripping and jerking off, then passing out.” Sharon reported. “It was hardcore. I don’t know how he could recover from this. But he’s a big boy he’ll get over it!” “Damn. Well it serves him right.” I said. “Let him hurt for a change!”
“Well. What goes around comes around. But he did hurt you. And its funny how in a way he got his.” Sharon said. “ I know you , though. As much as you’re thrilled. Your heart feels for him.”She was right. As much as I’m pissed at him. I still care for him.
“You know what’s weird. He’s been asking about you since you left.” Sharon added. “but as far as I know no one has said anything. Except the usual, ‘You’re fine, working hard, etc.”
“Hmm. Really.” I said. “What’s done is done. I got to fix Arielle’s some lunch. Come over later.”
“That’s cool.” Sharon said. “Later.”We hung up. I couldn’t believe it. Who could’ve done that to him. If it was true I was happy. But the flipside I feel for him. He severed all ties to me. There was no turning back. He killed everything inside me. Yet he called me today, I heard the pain in his voice. The ringing in my head was dull ache.
Simon sat in his office for hours. What could he say or do. It was a matter of time before he got his. For the way he treated Rebecca. The ridiculous and hurtful gossip that displayed her as a crazy woman. He had to talk to Rebecca. That night I cleaned up and Arielle was tucked away in bed. My head is was spinning, the ringing was loud. I couldn’t fight it. I just sat on the sofa. It was like a trance. I don’t remember how long I sat there. When I heard a knocking at the door.
“Who is it?” I asked., standing near the door.
“Simon.” he answered softly.
“What do you want?” I said through the door.
“I need to talk to you.” he said. “Please, can I come in.”Despite the good sense that god gave me, I let him in. and walked back to the sofa. He closed the door behind him. He sat near me. It was like turning on running water, he was pouring his heart out.
“I shouldn’t have let you go. But I was afraid. You believed me and loved me. I didn’t feel it for myself. Instead of running away. I should’ve talked to you. I stood by and allowed you to be trashed. I hurt you when I wanted to protect you. There’s nothing that I can do except pray and hope to make it up to you. I love you, Rebecca with all my heart.” Simon professed to me. I stared at him.
The ringing was so damn loud. Simon leaned toward me. He kissed me. It slow and soft, timid. Things got out of hand, my heart was racing. My body responded to him. I was dizzy and confused. Something came over me, I was on top of him. Simon was babbling. I was grinding against him, his eyes were closed.
“Lets go to the bedroom.” I whispered in his ear. I led him to the bed. I wasn’t myself, everything within me screamed out, “what are you doing, he broke your heart!” Simon laid back against the pillows. He pulled Rebecca towards him. He kissed her hand gently. Kissed her fingers softly one at a time. I mounted Simon and he held my hips steady against him. I inhaled deeply feeling my body tense up. I leaned into him. I kissed his mouth savagely.
“I love Rebecca, I love you.” Simon whispered in a heavy breath.
“I know. You hurt me Simon,” I said quietly. “All I wanted was to love you.”I slid my hand between the pillows. I pulled out my blade and ran my tongue along jagged edge. What a rush it sent through me. I outlined his nipple with my blade. I felt his heart beat, it made the blade vibrate. The voice in my head whispered, “Do it!”
“Are you afraid, Simon.” I said.
“No.” Simon answered, closed his eyes.
“I could kill you right now, for hurting me the way you did!” I cried. The tears welled up in my eyes. The ringing was out of control. She wondered if he could hear it. “I love you Simon.”I closed my eyes as the tears fell, holding my breath. Then I plunged the knife into his chest. His eyes shot open but he didn’t struggle. The voices stopped, the ringing continued louder and louder. Heart pounding and I couldn’t breathe. I laid back and blacked out. I tossed and turned then hit the floor hard.
“Ouch!” I cried out rubbing my head. That alarm clock continuously ringing. I reached for it, knocking it to the floor. The bloody jagged edge blade resting on the nightstand. I rubbed my head again. I got off the floor. Arielle comes running towards me, hugging me.
“Mommy,” Arielle cooed. “Morning, mommy. I was up before you.”
“Yeah. I see that.” I said as I kissed her forehead.
“Mommy, brush your teeth!” she laughed and pinching her nose. “Phew!” “Real funny, peanut head!” I said shaking my head. She was jumping on the bed. Then I heard her again.
“Mommy, mommy!” Arielle cried. “What’s that?”“What’s what!” I said. Arielle was pointing to the bloody blade on the nightstand. I froze. My head began to race.
“I…..I...don’t know.” I stuttered. “I…I….don’t know, baby!”Was it a dream I had. This couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t be. I looked at Arielle. I looked at he bloody knife. “Sweetie, go get something to eat, ok!” I said trying to sound normal.
“Ok, mommy.” Arielle said looking at me as if trying to read my facial expression. She shrugged her shoulders and skipped out the room. I turned my attention back to the knife. And sat on the bed.