Dreams?

How important are dreams?

When I was a child I use to want to be a famous ice skater like Dorothy Hamill or a ballerina. But I didn't know how to ice skate and I was not that flexible to be a ballerina. But I loved watching it on tv and would always imagine it was me up there.

When I was in high school I liked to write and draw. I would dream up cool things to draw in my head and writing a short story or creative phrase. I thought going to college and learning business administration. One day creating my own advertising firm to bring together the two things I loved doing writing and drawing. College wasn't what I imagined it would be. I struggled drawing what I saw in my head. And I couldn't find the words to put on paper. When you are faced with the uncertainty of doing something you love. What do you do? Do you give up and find something else to occupy your time. Or do you try harder, go at it at a different way or angle. Well needless to say I gave up on those dreams. I figured it wasn't worth it anymore. Then life just continued to go on without me. I started working and thought that was enough. But deep down is it ever enough. Some say yes and others say no. I didn't care either way. Until I started listening to people speak their dreams of being a singer, dancer, writer, artist, etc. Hearing the love and passion they had for their dreams started me thinking about myself. What happen to my dreams? Why did I stop dreaming? Why didn't I have aspirations to be something other than what I was. Of course it made me seriously depressed. And I didn't know what to do about it.

One day I picked up an old notebook. It was a story that I wrote many years ago. It made me laugh. I started looking through some more stuff that here or there around my room. I found some drawings I've done. They made me smile and wonder if I would've kept at it how much better I would be.

I bought a new notebook and sketchbook. I thought it would be easy getting back into the swing of things. But it wasn't I had to relearn the simple tasks of both writing and drawing. First thing was patience and the second was practice.

I started pacing myself to draw again. I would try to draw everyday but it became frustrating. I realized that I was putting too much pressure on myself to do it. Instead of just letting it flow and enjoying it. The same with my writing. Which I had to find out what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. But like I say to myself and to anyone that would listen, "I am a work in progress, Take me as I am."

I still haven't figured out what my dreams are yet but I am writing and drawing again. Even doing a little crocheting/ knitting too. But it makes me feel good to make something out nothing. And I guess that is what dreams are. To make something that wasn't necessarily there and love doing it and wanting to share it with the world.